life seen thru the eyes of a neurotic 20 something gal in search of something, nothing, and everything....but not all at once...I think.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

I know I've said this before but

I really don't understand men. I mean not just a bit here and there....the male species entirely. What exactly do you hope to do when you say I want to hang but then fail to call? What exactly do you think that does to a person?

I'll say it again, in case no one freaking heard me the first time. Just tell me you don't want to hang out. As a matter of fact, don't tell me anything unless it is somewhere along the lines of I will be at your house in 15 minutes.

I am an adult. I will be ok if you do not want to hang out. Just say something and stop playing games.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Confessions of a spoiled american

I've been in a funky vibe for a couple of weeks now. I just feel so overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by work and people and money and the world in general. I don't think it's normal. I think I should be happy with my life thus far. I am healthy and have money in my pocket and a full tum tum.

I feel restless and like selling everything I have, which isn't much, to discover the purpose of my life. I know this is irrational. Maybe I'm supposed to be a missonary somewhere in Africa or a spice dealer in India. Perhaps my path should be doing something else other than what I'm doing and I just don't know it.

I think the next part in this scenario is where the people in white lab coats come and put you in a straight jacket and carry you away.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Beyond empty

I went home to see my aunt and family this week. I had a chance to catch up with them and it was nice. Ever since my uncle died in February, my aunt gets pretty sad and lonely. All her kids are grown now and her house is empty except for the tv she keeps on when she's home alone.

Last night she told me while we sat and had chocolate at midnight, she wasn't sure if she'd ever get over losing him. I was so stunned and saddened, I actually had no words. She said, "I just go thru the motions and people think I'm okay. I smile in the right places and laugh at the right time. But I'm just sort of empty."

Finally, I just said it takes time. Time to get over the loss and time to heal. I actually felt stupid as if I didn't even believe it myself. I don't know if you can get over a love that lasted more than half your life. Maybe you can't but I hope that for her sake it's possible.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Are you kidding me?!

We all know I have had some dating mishaps lately. To say the least. Can't seem to find a decent man to save my life and then WHAM. A decent man shows up and has interest in me. Amazing.

So, what has to happen? Every hot man that walks near me suddenly has an interest in what I have to say. They all have to flirt. They have even asked me out. This after months and months of crazy first dates, lack of little interest, and no action. Now I'm attractive because I started dating someone?

Did I say I have bad luck with men or what?

Friday, September 07, 2007

So I'm wrong

about this one, possibly. He is really nice and not a push over. I know eventually the newness and niceties will wear off. For now though, I am going to relish in the fact that he's a nice guy.

He opens doors, pays for everything, and makes me smile and laugh a lot. He can tell what I'm thinking by the inflection of my voice! He's finishing my sentences mid stream. It's weird I never noticed over the past 3 years just how much he really paid attention to what I said and did.
The bottom will settle soon and then we'll see what the truth is.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Yet another wrinkle in the road

An old friend called this past week. He and I always had a good time when we hung out. Hadn't seen him in forever. He's the one who's always been the nice guy that got his heart broken.

We hung out most of the week and last night we went out to for dinner, drinks, and a movie. It was nice but awkward. It felt like a date but I don't think it was supposed to be. I am confused about the level of friendship we now have. The hug before he left was kinda lingering and it seemed odd. I think there was a kiss about to happen but I pulled away before it could.

We went to lunch today before he went to work. It was nice. Good conversation. Nice meal. I don't know why but I'm nervous. And about what....I'm not sure.

I swear I meet a million jerks and you think a nice guy would be refreshing. Where are my marbles?