life seen thru the eyes of a neurotic 20 something gal in search of something, nothing, and everything....but not all at once...I think.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

utterly annoyed

I was happy that someone finally got the job. I mean after 6 months of no new manager, I was ready to sign any warm body up for the sake of just having someone there. I did not hire her....let me just be clear.

She is beyond bubbly. She is annoying and goofy. While it can be endearing for some, it is soooooooo not for her. She moves things without asking. Some of them look good and some of them look bad. Most of them just aggravate the living day lights outta me. Have you ever heard of consulting with the rest of the TEAM?

The nerves they are grating thin.

She asked me the other day where I went to school to make polite conversation. I told her where and what degree to simply oblige her. She said she had heard I was in school and working. She came in today and proudly announced she had decided to go back to school and at the same place. How cool is it that we are going to the same place?

We are not sorority sisters. In fact, I am fine without sisters at all. Can we please just move on?

Seriously, who does this sort of thing?

Sunday, May 27, 2007

a year in review

I woke up this morning with a hella hangover from my wild outing. Yes....my fabulous friends decided to give me a surprise birthday party to make up for the rotten 25th birthday fiasco. This time last year Lisa and I were drinking it up at brunch. We laid in the California sun and talked smack and acted like silly teenagers to wash away the baby shower hell from the day before. So I toasted them and looked amazing in my spaghetti strappy dress and super hot gold heels that I need at least two drinks to stand in. I had a birthday girl pin and everyone put money on the pin and came home with tons -o- cash. Kinda cool.

I looked at the pics this morning while I nursed a cold glass of water and smiled. I looked happy. First time in a long time that I looked so happy. Sometimes I wonder if I really am happy. Yesterday I was talking to my friend Julie and I said I thought 25 was a bust. What did I do for the entire year?! Julie kindly stopped me and said....hey girl! You went back to school, you started a new job that you rock at, you met amazing people. You laughed and cried and lived. What more could you ask for?

She's right....I couldn't have asked for more. Hope 26 rocks harder:)

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Not just another day

It shouldn't be different. Today shouldn't be any different for me. I should go about my business with cheer. I should not have to blink back tears when I see others clearly revelling in Mother's Day joy. I should be happy that some 13 years later I am better off not having contact with my mother. She is not good for me as she has proven time and again. She is not good for me. I know this.

But the fact of the matter is that today is different for me. It is the 13th year I have spent without my mother who lives 4 hours away. I always think it will be easier to pass this day up.....you know, like that saying, time heals all things. I always think I will feel satisfaction knowing I can't be hurt by her anymore. I think I will secretly celebrate my ability to move on.

That's what I always think. And then today comes. I realize I wish my mother gave a damn. I realize she hasn't changed and never will. We will never shop together or share secrets like others. We will never be able to even sit in a room without the tension killing innocent bystanders. I feel foolish. I feel freaking idiotic for wasting a thought on it. I feel cheated in spite of all the things I have learned and gained from this life changing experience with her.

Mother's Day is always hard for me. It's the one day I realize no matter what I have done to shield my self, I can't get away from her or what she should mean and all that she has never been.

Friday, May 11, 2007

The new beef

Since I've had time on my hands, I decided it was a good idea to cook instead of grab a fastfood nightmare. I decided to try my hand at some chili and went to Krogers to find the ingredients. I had no idea a pound of ground beef was $6 a pound. That's so crazy. No wonder people become vegetarians. I decided since the recipe called for ground beef or ground turkey I would try the ground turkey. It was so much more inexpensive. No difference. My roomie, who is notoriously a picky eater, even liked it. Surprising. I am going to try turkey burgers and see how that flies. For now Bessie can feel a little better that one less American is not vying for her hide.

Monday, May 07, 2007


Yesterday I got off of work and was dumbfounded. I had no homework to do. I had no paperwork to do. I was unsure of just what I should do with so much free time. I got the dog and trekked out to the dog park. He had a blast in the mud and wave pool, which was all good and dandy. The people at the dog park get to talking about their pets and how they this and that. I started to listen in and then one of them asked if the other was going to take Gonzo to Bob's birthday party. WHAT?!? After all Cheryl was putting so much effort into Bob's 18th birthday bash.

Are you serious? People throw birthday parties for their dogs. I mean I love Baxter and he might get an extra milkbone or toy but an actual party that has other pet guests? I think at this point you might want to think about getting some kids lady. It's time to graduate to kids.

Friday, May 04, 2007

It's over!

It is 3:57 am and about four hours or so before I have to go to work. I am tired, mentally and physically, but I am friggin' done with the semester. Somewhere between rubbing out my contacts in my pjs and funky tunes from the 90s I was able to yank one final paper out of thin air. Something about the 90s music brought out the studious person I was back then and the words just flowed. I am going to stumble into shower and down a gallon and a half of coffee soon....but now sleepy time......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz