Parenting 101

I know, I know.... How can I give parenting advice when I have no children of my own. I promise, this is pure common sense overcoming blaring idiocy.

Last night a couple of pals and I gathered to eat some dinner, drink, and moan/groan about the hum-drum that has become our lives. No better way to relax in the city. Only that happy gathering of 20 something singles was rudely interrupted by a family with an obnoxious toddler oggling our drinks and another toddler screaming at the top of her lungs across the aisle. Not the best way to wind down.

So at first, I am sympathetic. Ok, they have had a hard day and mom/pop want to eat out like a fam and relax too. Only the oggling and screaming never stopped. It droned on and on until after 3 margaritas I gave the menacing children death stares. I looked at my friend and said quite plainly, "Kids like these are the reason I want to sell my own ovaries." The table erupted into laughter and both moms looked at me in horror and disgust. I swear these women had to be pushing 28 maybe 3o and they looked so angry. I know they remember what it was like to be my age and not saddled down with kids. One family abruptly left their table after the kid was finally turned around to eat her dinner. The other ordered glasses of wine and shared it with the kid. I doubt that giving your kid alcohol is considered ok by CPS officials. How about disciplining your kid instead and teaching them to not act like an animal in public?

Are you kidding me?

In the midst of the holiday craze an elderly woman who was frantic to find some gifts for her granddaughter shrewdly shook her hands at me yelling, " Can I get some HELP?!" across my store. I was clearly busy with another person, who kindly nodded for me to help Nutty Grandma. I walk over already realizing Nutty Grandma is going to be trouble. She proceeds to thrust a shirt over the front of my nose, on my mouth and tilts her head slightly mumbling. I spat out the t-shirt and then without warning she took the shirt stretched it out and placed it over my boobs. She then began to squeeze my boobs and then said, "I think my granddaughter is about your size." Too shocked to utter a response, she then went for another grab and then said, " So...what size are you?"

Oh my God lady!!! First you publicly grope me (a stranger) and then ask me my size? What the hell...there are men that I have dated for years who didn't know my size anything! Could you at least buy me a drink or dinner before we hit first base....there are some rules to the game even if you are the Crypt Keeper.