life seen thru the eyes of a neurotic 20 something gal in search of something, nothing, and everything....but not all at once...I think.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Creepy guy magnet

Last night my friend and I went to a birthday party for her brother. We had a great time laughing and talking. Man #1 came up and started talking to the group of gals I was sitting with and kept talking about how I looked like a teenager. Whatever. That line is sooo old. Are you old enough to drink? Hell yes. For 5 years as a matter of fact. He then casually leans over and tells me just how much he likes to date women who are not African American like himself. He much prefers Latina women...."like yourself." Riiiight.

Creepy guy #2 seemed normal, but I guess they all do, don't they? At first the conversation was good and then he asked me if I was engaged. What? The ring I had on was a band of daisies....no diamond. Clue numba 1 he was abnormal. Then he asked why I had gotten out of my last relationship. Hey buddy....I met you 15 minutes ago. Are you planning a wedding or something? Brain should have been sending out an SOS after that. Apparently, my brain had gone for a lipgloss check or something. Lastly, I got my friend to walk me to my car and creepy guy calls me 15 minutes later to ask who that was. Ok stalker. I think you might need to never ever try to come near me again. Crap....I totally forgot to give him a fake number. I'm out of the loop for mere months and my brain goes to poop. I need a refresher course.

I swear I have a creepy guy magnet embedded under my skin somewhere. No one else I know attracts crappy men like I do.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Estrogen overload

I spent all day trying to relax in vain. I tried to lie down and watch tv but I just got dizzy. I wanted to eat something so I ordered take out. It made my tum tum hurt. I have a sinus headache, my back hurts and, right now, I just wanna be a baby and complain.

See what happens when there's too much estrogen in your bloodstream!

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

This is why I don't trust men.

They say they will call. Then they never do. They say I think you're a cool gal and I would like to get to know you. They don't really mean it.

Is it really too much to ask for someone to tell the truth?

Just spit it out Sparkie and say hey I don't think you're gonna lay me so I'm moving on. We're all adults here....or at least I am.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

desperate times call for desparate measures

I need someone to detonate a bomb in my sinus cavities. They hurt and are full of allergy gunk. I'm tired of breathing thru my mouth and spewing nasty allergy goo from the depths of my lungs and nasal passages. Somebody help me.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The order of the day

is sleeping wiff the fishes. Some people need that kinda blunt message to let them know...Hey I know what the hell is going on!

As if I lived in a cave. Get a clue. I already know you're a two- timing, back stabbing snake trying to grub it to the top. You're so pathetic. I swear tomorrow I'm gonna get a fishy and some butcher paper and set you straight. Seriously.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Boys, boys, boys

There are but a few things women can truly take pride in. Getting a man to rinse out the sink after shaving, getting them to pick up their underwear, etc. It takes time. Blood, sweat, and tears to be exact. I have made a remarkable accomplishment. My brothers and dad after 20 years finally lowered the toilet seat. Not once my friends. It was all weekend.


Wow. I always knew it could happen but I am still in awe.

May this act be a beacon of hope to all women across the globe. Dare to dream the impossible :)

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Dating 101

should be given to anyone outta the game longer than 5 years.
There are rules people. Have a beer and loosen up. I swear you'd think some people had never had a decent conversation with the opposite sex.

And another thing fellas: I am not an idiot because I am wear lipgloss and paint my nails. I know about sports and almost all things male just short of actually being one. Try those lame one liners and jokes on giggly ridiculous girls with no soul. I have substance, brains, and a killer smile that will make you do things you's never dream of.

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Something's wrong with you

when you refuse to pay $4.97 for a pair of shorts that were $39 about 6 weeks ago.
"I'll just wait for it get marked down," she said as she smirked and threw them across the counter.
If it were any cheaper they couldn't afford to pay the small Asian child that sewed it. Honestly.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

The Po-Po rock

Oh Sting. You stole my heart on Friday night as you crooned a stadium full of fans. Message in a Bottle, Roxanne....I could go on. The only thing to dampen the mood was a sad realization....

Everyone in the room was well above 25 reliving their youth whilst trying to not stumble forward to their death.

How time creeps up on you.