life seen thru the eyes of a neurotic 20 something gal in search of something, nothing, and everything....but not all at once...I think.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Holiday cheer

I'm not gonna lie and say I was in any better of a mood yesterday when I went to work, because, let's be honest: waking up at 5 am to dress and ride the train into the city, to deal with obnoxious shoppers is NO ONE's idea of fun.

Nevertheless, I did get ready and trek into work. I tried to keep myself busy and actually had time for some retail therapy. I decided to try some stores that I would not ordinarily go to. I've lost some serious weight and I want to be able to wear cute clothes that make me look less fat, more fashionable, and make me feel like a pretty girl. Behold, in the dark corner of Anthropologie, I found some bargain buys in my size that were trendy and fit at bargain prices. I also found the cutest inexpensive accessories at H&M, one of my more recent cheap chic haunts. I'm glad, I was able to afford a little something on my tight budget. Every girl needs a little happiness and I was able to find some albeit in materialistic things. A special shout out to my girls in Bmore and the Creek who have taught me there is a silver lining in digging thru the sales racks: you can buy more!

So, today, I got up and with a better outlook, got ready. I mixed my newest finds with existing pieces and made what I thought was a trendy and flattering outfit. I was complemented through out the day. I even found myself smiling in spite of the crowds and craziness. I have hope the remaining few weeks will not be too tragic...at least let's hope not!

Monday, November 23, 2009


I am depressed. The holidays start at the end of this week. I am alone and without prospects of anyone new and appetizing. I miss my ex and all the comforts of someone of the opposite sex who just knows you and wants to spend time with you. I just miss the familiarity. And dear God, all of my friends have SOMEONE! I spent a ridiculous amount of time listening to my friends in Texas ooh and ahh over boys and engagements, weddings, and finally babies. I had to sit at the bridal showers, bachlorette parties and clap and all the other things that go with being happy your friends have found someone. I got the pity looks forever. Your day will come. The right man is going to come any day now is what they said....5 years ago and counting.

I thought when I moved to California that I would not encounter that crap again. But last night, I found myself in that same position as we helped welcome my friend and her boyfriend into their new condo with painting and beer pong. I am inevitably alone again. Everyone was coupled up but me. I had the strangest 3rd wheel feeling the whole night and sank into deeper depression with each beer. I smiled big and laughed loud. All the while, my mind was thinking I hate this. I hate that I am here and alone. I never thought that being independent was a bad thing until I realized it makes most men not want to date you. Seems the only men I can attract are first class losers, married or unavailable men, and last but not least the most unintelligent lackluster excuse for a man in any given social setting.

I've lost all this weight. I look better than I have in YEARS. I have a great job I love, my own place and money to spend...most of the time. So why am I not happy? Why are men not flocking to me? Do I smell? Do I have hot man repellent on? WTF is going on??

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Am I smarter than....

I'm not a what I would consider a dumb person. I know, I know. No one actually thinks they are "dumb", but I have always been a good student, fast learner, and someone who generally has decent problem solving skills and common sense. That being said, how is it that I did not know after 7 months of owning my car, that the engine heat sensor and gas tank had icons that permenantly illuminate when you drive at night?

Somehow, this fact escaped my mental capabilities, and I took my car in to make positive these were not warning indicators before I left for a business trip tomorrow. Imagine how retarded I felt, when the service manager at the dealership simply smiled and said, "Ma'am....those lights are always supposed to be on. There is nothing wrong with your car."

I swear I must be a blonde.

Saturday, November 14, 2009


There really is nothing like a Saturday morning run to clear your head. I mean who wouldn't be in a good mood after a run listening to Bad from MJ and then some Eye of the Tiger to finish the race?
The promise of Girl Scout cookies I bought yesterday from an eager group of gigly girls MIGHT have helped. How did I not know there were early presale of girl scout cookies?