life seen thru the eyes of a neurotic 20 something gal in search of something, nothing, and everything....but not all at once...I think.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Just breathe

Everytime I stop dating someone or anyone of the sorts, there's this period of sadness followed by self doubt and frustration. I never get closure. I'm the kind of gal who really needs it. I spend forever toiling over the shoulda, woulda, coulda questions. It's really always a blow to my ego no matter how hard I try and it takes some time to recover from such things.

I got a phone call from that boy...the one I thought was so great and turned out not to be. I got my closure. I got the chance to say what I wanted to say. I listened to what he had to say but, in the end, I surprised the both of us. I said the last 2 months was not okay. I closed the door.

This was Thursday of last week. Today I feel better...like I had a chance to stand up for myself and what I want. I'm alone again but my outlook feels brighter, even if it really isn't. Less doubt and anger than any other time I can remember. It feels good to be in control of my world again.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Ho hum drum

I just got back from vacation Wednesday. Today is Saturday and I am so exhausted from work I can hardly swallow my own spit. Note to self: next time just don't comeback.

Monday, November 05, 2007

I have no shame left

For a couple of weeks now, I've been mending what can only be diagnosed as a broken heart. I thought making busy and not talking about it would make it better. I only proved it doesn't. I've been too embarrassed to admit the following: I am heartbroken once again.

It's weird how attached you can get to someone. I mean it was a mere 3 months. I don't even know why we aren't talking. What I do know is I am that absolutley lame girl pining for a man who can't even pick up a phone to let me know what the hell is going on. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate all my friends bashing him. They've all said he's not worth it. Don't waste your tears. And yes, if you can believe it, I shed a few in the privacy of my bed while hiding under the covers. I didn't even want the dog to see he got to me.

I think I might have heard it all these past few weeks to be honest. I know all of you are so incredibly right. I appreciate your devotion to cheering me up....I really do. But it still doesn't make the things he did right disappear. In fact, it makes them even more apparent. Only he will understand "special left" and smile when I say it's an "Aimee free day."

I hate that someone can make me feel this way. I hate that he hasn't returned my message from over 3 weeks ago. I especially hate that he wanders into my thoughts at the most random times during the day. What I really hate is I actually thought this one was different. And, yet again, he turned out to be nothing but the same line of tired tricks I've retired over the past 8 years. I mean if he just wasn't that into me why couldn't he just say it?

Now that feels better even if another soul in the world reads this. I may be about a few inches from the bottom of the barrel in the relationship department. Definitely no room for shame or pride....go figure.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

I like my teeth

Some friends and I took a day trip up to North Carolina to see the Biltmore Estate today. It was quite picturesque and I was smitten with the whole area until dinner tonight. At the restaurant we ate at, I noticed several adults happily parading around in overalls smeared in what I can only hope was dirt and not what I thought it might have smelled like. In addition, everyone seemed toothless and I could hardly see through all the Confederate flags displayed on every wall.

I'm not sure if anyone told these people, but the Yanks won the war a LONG time ago. Wearing rags and not going to the dentist demeans you not them.

On second thought, I'm going to have to reconsider my opinion of that place based on the fact that I value my teeth and clothes. No offense.