Meemaw's opinion
Last night I called my 70 something Meemaw for our weekly catch up call. Once a week or more, I call and we talk about what's going on in the family, work, all the things that matter in our lives. She's the closest thing I have to a mom and true female role model. I love her dearly and since I moved across the country, it's our way of making sure we keep in touch as if we were still living across the street from each other. Given the new living update, I wanted to tell her so bad. She is someone I truly consider a friend and trust beyond measure, but I knew it would just cause a huge issue.
10 minutes into our conversation, she started telling me about how she had, yet again, put her foot in her mouth. Meemaw is known for speaking her mind without thinking just how much it can hurt/affect others around her. Needless to say, she had been sitting at the table with my uncle discussing marriage and family. My cousin just had a baby, is unmarried, and living with the baby's father, not an uncommon occurrence in this day and age. Meemaw proceeded to say no one believes in the "sanctity of marriage" anymore. Used to be, wearing a white dress meant something and people didn't just "shack up." Of course, my uncle was offended. While he doesn't approve of my cousin's particular situation, there is nothing he can do to change it. She is an adult and all things considered, he would rather spend time with his grand baby and daughter than throw them out on the street just to prove his moral belief.
I was hearbroken to say the least. She felt bad for hurting his feelings which was good, but was so adamant that doing otherwise was practically the equivalent of murder. I bit my tongue. If a wedding is that important then just wait, she declared. You don't need to shack up and pretend. It clearly doesn't mean that much if you are willing to do that. I could hear the utter disgust in her voice. Does that make my cousin unworthy of a wedding simply because she did not do it in the prescribed manner? Does it make me unworthy of a wedding because I love this man and want to start a life together now?
My heart simply sagged in sadness. She will never accept that it is okay and no matter how much everyone says it doesn't matter, it does to me. I love her. I don't want to disappoint her or anyone else. I can't live my life for her either. I know there are things I have done in the past that have upset my Meemaw but to hear her say those things hurt me. I love Rob so much. I want to spend my life with him. She has declared she will have "to see" about coming to a wedding in California. She thinks we should marry in Texas since all of my family is there (nevermind that all his family is here).
Is it too much to wish that the most important woman in my life support my decisions whether they pass her moral code or not? I'm beginning to wonder.....
posted by mandy @ 3:17 PM
2 Comments:
oh, man, i'm just a randon stranger here and i only found your blog by accident and i'm going to give you full disclosure and say that i'm a nice little conservative christian church lady and that i have one set of straight parents and one set of gay parents and tell you that one thing i've learned is that people are sometimes really screwed up in what they'll tell you are moral absolutes.
a man loves you and wants to make a home with you.
for some reason somebody else wants to tell you that's wrong.
there's this cultural set of rules built on the bible that say it is very, very wrong for a woman to behave as anything other than some man's chattels and until you can show me that you HAVE to have the "blessings" of a "legitimate" marriage or else be committing some horrible, horrible sin i'm going to have to come down firmly on the side of you are your own woman honey, and you get to do with yourself what you want and life is too short for you not to hold onto a sweet man who loves you, whether he wishes to enter into a traditional marriage or not.
a lot of women who have given up the opportunity to be their own women in order to be some man's property are particularly adamant on this topic of the sinfulness of "shacking up", so tread careful and give yourself a break.
and remember to breathe, ok?
I lived with my husband about 4-5 yrs before we married. I thought we would NEVER get married (we both had previous marriages). We finally did and it DOES make a difference.
Good Luck! Do what's best for you! And only YOU know what that is.
~Kas
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