life seen thru the eyes of a neurotic 20 something gal in search of something, nothing, and everything....but not all at once...I think.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Bedroom Shenanigans

Getting a roommate or living with anyone else is tough. It takes time to find a balance and get things "situated." It's even harder when that someone is your boyfriend/girlfriend. Thus, the following transpired this week....

I came home from work thoroughly exhausted and ready for sleep. The bf came home late from class and tried to be quiet as I was beginning to drift off. 2o minutes later he climbed into bed. I assumed he would fall asleep. He was trying to get comfortable and started wiggling like a possessed person sprayed with holy water. one minute....two...three....my patience was wearing....four...four and a half...I couldn't hold it any longer.

"What the fuck are you doing?!"
"Do you have ants in your pants? Is there something wrong with you? I mean you're squirming like a freaking worm about to explode."
"I'm just trying to get comfortable."
"Could you stop convulsing under the sheets...I was trying to sleep."

"Uh yeah....sorry."
Silence for about 3 minutes.
"Really sorry hun....can I get a good night kiss?"
"Yeah...I'm sorry too."

The next following night amid an intense debate over who's couch is uglier:
"I don't want that couch. The dog is going to pee on it. It's comfortable but it will stink," he says.

"Well, yours looks like a couch from a 1970s porn flick AND it's ugly. We are not keeping it." He turns his back to me and I notice his ass hanging out of his underwear.

"Why you gotta get all personal mooning me and such. I mean it's a couch!"
"Why you gotta moon me?"
"I am not mooning you."
"Uh, yeah you are." Heated exchange over whether his ass is hanging out or not.

He finally reaches his arm behind to find his bare ass and his face changes.

"Oh, I kinda am mooning you. Sorry about that."

Tell me everyone has nights like this when you first move in together.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Meemaw's opinion

Last night I called my 70 something Meemaw for our weekly catch up call. Once a week or more, I call and we talk about what's going on in the family, work, all the things that matter in our lives. She's the closest thing I have to a mom and true female role model. I love her dearly and since I moved across the country, it's our way of making sure we keep in touch as if we were still living across the street from each other. Given the new living update, I wanted to tell her so bad. She is someone I truly consider a friend and trust beyond measure, but I knew it would just cause a huge issue.

10 minutes into our conversation, she started telling me about how she had, yet again, put her foot in her mouth. Meemaw is known for speaking her mind without thinking just how much it can hurt/affect others around her. Needless to say, she had been sitting at the table with my uncle discussing marriage and family. My cousin just had a baby, is unmarried, and living with the baby's father, not an uncommon occurrence in this day and age. Meemaw proceeded to say no one believes in the "sanctity of marriage" anymore. Used to be, wearing a white dress meant something and people didn't just "shack up." Of course, my uncle was offended. While he doesn't approve of my cousin's particular situation, there is nothing he can do to change it. She is an adult and all things considered, he would rather spend time with his grand baby and daughter than throw them out on the street just to prove his moral belief.

I was hearbroken to say the least. She felt bad for hurting his feelings which was good, but was so adamant that doing otherwise was practically the equivalent of murder. I bit my tongue. If a wedding is that important then just wait, she declared. You don't need to shack up and pretend. It clearly doesn't mean that much if you are willing to do that. I could hear the utter disgust in her voice. Does that make my cousin unworthy of a wedding simply because she did not do it in the prescribed manner? Does it make me unworthy of a wedding because I love this man and want to start a life together now?

My heart simply sagged in sadness. She will never accept that it is okay and no matter how much everyone says it doesn't matter, it does to me. I love her. I don't want to disappoint her or anyone else. I can't live my life for her either. I know there are things I have done in the past that have upset my Meemaw but to hear her say those things hurt me. I love Rob so much. I want to spend my life with him. She has declared she will have "to see" about coming to a wedding in California. She thinks we should marry in Texas since all of my family is there (nevermind that all his family is here).

Is it too much to wish that the most important woman in my life support my decisions whether they pass her moral code or not? I'm beginning to wonder.....

Saturday, January 15, 2011

A new chapter starts

He invited me to stay at his house....permanently.

I have accepted.

I am terrified my Bible thumping family will condemn my soul for all eternity now that I have chosen to "live in sin."

I love him. This is more right with him than it has ever been with anyone else EVER. So, why do I feel like a horrible person for not telling my family? I wish they could share in my joy and excitement, but I know that is simply not possible, until I walk down an aisle on my father's arm. It's just the way they THINK it should be. Here I am weighed down with this and yes, slightly sad, that I cannot call my family to celebrate this milestone.

I can't tell them. Not yet, at least. Thank God they live 2300 miles away. I can hold the pre-Armageddon show down for a little bit.