gold stars and dead cows

In the middle of a very important meeting my boss said the following.....

"Don't milk a dead cow."

Then someone actually asked," dead cows give milk?"

That person deserves a gold star for stupidity.

Fall has arrived for me

I've decided today is going to be fabulous. I just worked out and feel like a million bucks. The sun is out and it is not 100 degress with a million percent humidity. The leaves are starting to fall and the air is crisp. I start vacation on Saturday and I can't wait.

my belly fat has something to say

Why on earth did you think belly dancing would be an optimal way to awaken the muscles I bury within? I'd gotten rather comfy these past few years.
Let's get something straight here.....I have no intention of making it easy for you to get rid of me. There will be none of that "fat melting" here. Honestly, if this silly belly dancing is to continue, at least stop looking like a flailing fish outta water. Svelte, sensuous moves are a LONG way off.

yours truly,
belly fat

oh Britney....

girl you got to pull it together! You got kids now. Sure we all fall and screw up but most of us don't have every stinking moment of their life captured by papparazzi. Even Lindsey, Paris, and Nicole have started to clean it up.

Stop the all nighters and hoochie mama nonsense. Get a shower and find some makeup. Lord knows it's not a money thing. And for God sakes woman, have some decency. Put on some freakin panties! No one wants to see your bits and pieces anymore.

A note from chuck

The other day I went on a shopping binge. I was having a rough couple of days and rather than gorge myself on food, I said what the hell, I'll go spend some dough. After a ridiculous amount of frivilous shopping, I decided I needed new tennis shoes for work. At my work the only tennis shoes that are acceptable are Chuck Taylor Converse sneakers. I found some slip on tennis shoes and was satisfied to end my binge then and there.

When I got home, I of course went thru my bags to pick thru my spoils. I took the shoes and put them on. In the bottom of the box was a note from the manufacturer. I picked it up and read the following:

NOTE: These shoes are free from laces. Free from the ties that bind. Free to roam about the Earth. To Rome, even. Un-tethered. Un-encumbered. No strings attached. Just slip them on and off you go. Free as the wind. Free to be.

Now if only the rest of my life could boil down to such simplicity.

boyfriend revisited

I had another weird dream about my ex boyfriend last night. This time I had started a new job and he and a bunch of his friends walked in. His blonde hair was now brown and short. He kept on smiling at me and it was so awkward. Then I remember him looking at my stomach and all I could think is why the hell is he looking at my stomach. I finally looked down to see a very swollen pregnant belly.

AGH!!!! was the initial reaction. It was like I didn't know I had my stomach bulging 5 ft from my torso. I just stared in disbelief at my stomach. I poked it and pushed at it. I had this really bewildering look on my face. It was way weird. He walked out and I just stood there like an idiot staring at my stomach.

I wanted to vomit, but woke up instead. That was way gross and way weird.

I have a new lova

His name is John Mayer. Mmmmm.....so very velvety and good. I bought his last cd Continuum 2 weeks ago and have been listening to it non-stop. In the car, in the house, on my cell. All day, all night John Mayer. Yum. Me loves some deep soulful tunes. So glad I can buy a cd again and not feel like I wasted my money on 14 out of 15 songs that suck. Oh that John.