ramblings

life seen thru the eyes of a neurotic 20 something gal in search of something, nothing, and everything....but not all at once...I think.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

The relief pitcher is MIA

Last night was a restless night. Didn't sleep well at all. I have a tendency to be somewhat of an insomniac when the stress levels rise. The worst part is looking like you're asleep but your mind is still really working. Who is going to fill this and who is going to do that. I am the worst at letting things just be. I get all worked up inside and start to become this monster of a person. I kick into overdrive and it is get it done or get the hell out of my way. I am a self professed overacheiver. I am the best and take whatever steps are necessary to be #1. When the stuff hits the fan, either step up or move outta the way. There are no room for excuses....end of story.

While I realize not everyone is like me, I think sometimes why I am I like this. Why can't I just say someone else can do it? Why do I always feel the need to rise to the occassion? Can I not just let someone else take the responsibility? I feel like I am still 13 trying to make sense of the world. Mom is gone now doing her own thing with someone else and the wash has to get done. Dinner must be made. Homework is due at 8 am. Dad is working and there are two brothers that need to be watched. There is no one else to get this done. I feel trapped and angry. When does someone come in as my relief pitcher at the bottom of the ninth? In the words of the Shib... I get why people medicate.

2 Comments:

Blogger The Shib said...

I just had this conversation with my brother not too long ago. In our house we felt like if we didnt do something it wouldnt get done. And maybe it would have but Im the overacheiving, independent, crazy self sufficient broad I am today because of it.

But in my adult life its transferred into other areas. I dont have homework anymore, I have work and I get it done and on time and its good and thats fine. But in my personal life. If I dont resolve something I dont trust others to resolve it. Even in dating. I have a tendency to press issues to get the answer faster, even if its not the answer I wanted. I least I got one.

Id like to let my relief pitcher step in for awhile and and just not care. My god what it would be like to just not care for a whole day.

12:53 PM  
Blogger mandy said...

I know that drive in me has benefitted me in the real world but it is tiresome, don't you agree? I would LOVE to not care for a day.

6:36 PM  

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