bittersweet homecoming

I packed my belongings together this morning at my dad's house. As I watched the sun come up over the horizon, I do believe my heart did a little leap. I was excited at the thought of coming back home and having my own space and such. The drive was relaxing and we stopped along the way to refuel and simply enjoy the ride through the Texas country. I watched the rolling hills of green spotted with large trees through the window and smiled at the huge longhorns basking in the shade. There were tiny towns that dotted the highway home. The drive, however, was not one of excitement like I had anticipated.

My companion, Ms. Laura, was a wonderful roadtrip pal. She made conversation and we talked about tons of things the whole way home. I must admit, passing through the countryside I felt a little guilty leaving my family in San Antonio. For all the whining I did about the seclusion and feeling so isolated, I did enjoy the time seeing my family. I had not seen most of them for a couple of months. I had a chance to catch up on the family "business," i.e. gossip, as well as spend quality time with family members I truly cherish. I think the thought of not getting to do that for a long time again made me a little down in the dumps to be perfectly honest. More than that, it reminded me of some people I do not have ties to anymore. That always makes me a little blue. Some were old friends, others were exes, and even a parent. While I know I can't change what our history in those relationships was, I can't help wishing that history had been written a little differently. Everyone wants to change something I guess. A bittersweet return in spite of hight hopes.