the insomniac diaries

It is so damn late. I have so much to do and so much on my mind. I know I need to be in bed. I cannot fall asleep. I am tired of today. I smoked too many cigarettes inspite of my resolve to quit two weeks ago. I just broke. The fact I cannot breathe due to the allergens in the air did little to curb my insatiable need to smoke. I would like to quit, but whenever the stress comes it's all I can do to keep the food out of my mouth. I feel like some warped broken model of a human because I can't control my own selfish tendencies. This sucks. I feel sick to my stomach and I want to vomit. I want to vomit and cry and then sleep and let the day and worries melt away. I am weird. See what insomnia does to somewhat normal beings. Someone will read this and think wow...she's not all there. I assure you I am. You will continue to read this and say, sure that's what all crazy people say. Any insomniac would understand exactly what I mean. Sheep never help me and a glass of warm milk is simply foul. I suppose I will be doomed, at least for tonight, to watch Nick at Night reruns of something like Roseann and secretly loathe my damned inability to sleep.