Children are the best birth control

I was at work the other day, tired and stressed as usual from a LONG week. It was the week of inventory and my store, which is half adult furniture and half children's furniture was littered with screaming idiotic children and their yuppie, tight-fisted, irresponisible parents again. This one kid was probably about 2 or so and was just filthy. Food on her face, dirty clothes, and completely left to her own devices as her parents shopped. There should be a law against that--leaving your kids to run around a store without supervision. I mean how do you think kids get snatched?! And you can't be mad at the kid for being dirty. I mean how the hell is she supposed to know any better. The most aggravating thing is her parents looked impecably well dressed. CLEAN UP YOUR KID!!! But I digress....

So, my assistant and I are in a section of the store trying to prep for this inventory. This kid is screaming bloody murder and I am about to get up and tell her if she continues I will give her something to really yell about. I know, I know...cruel but at this point all reasoning and sanity is draining from me at 50+ hours of work. It gets relatively quiet and I'm thinking thank god that kid shut the hell up. I continue working and a stench creeps into my nostrils. "Kim...do you smell that?" and my assistant stifles a giggle and points behind me. I turn to find that little cave dweller squating, eyes squinting, hands balled in fists making little grunting noises about 3 feet from me. I am horrified. She's taking a shit in public. Her parents are no where to be found. I say loudly "hey, what are you doing?!" because I think she might respond and stop, I guess. She is startled but finishes her duty and my assistant is rolling by now.

The stench is awful. To make matters worse she proceeds to run around my store spreading the love everywhere. It is at this point that I decide kids are gross and I think my first inclination to not have any is fully acknowledged and embraced. This is why women like myself think kids are awful and think having none is just fine with them/me. This is why I will take my damned birth control and practice abstinence in lieu of the condom because that could happen to any ovulating fool.