ramblings

life seen thru the eyes of a neurotic 20 something gal in search of something, nothing, and everything....but not all at once...I think.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Happy?

Today is a good day. I slept in (sleeping in for me is 7 am...disgusting, I know) and had a leisurely conversation with an old friend in Texas shortly after I woke up. We hadn't talked in so long, so we were, naturally, catching up. Towards the end of the conversation, she said something so profound to me.

"You're so happy. Things are finally falling into place for you," she commented.
I sort of laughed.

"Do I sound happy? I guess sometimes I don't even realize it."

"2 years ago, you were working with me and while you were great at what you did, I knew you were destined for greater things. I'm just glad they've finally found you."

Again, good ole water works started. We ended our conversation and as I lay in bed, I realized she was absolutely right. 10 years ago, I had a dream to be doing what I am doing today and here I am. I made it to a place where, no one can legitimately say, I didn't make my dream come true. Now, for me, that still means making it as a higher level executive and leading a division because I am a perfectionist and over achiever. But, never the less, I never give myself credit for the good things I do or that happen as a result of my hard work.

I have great friends. As of late, they have all been encouraging me given my current emotional status. I'm grateful to have such a reliable source of ego boosting (we all need it!), but this morning, it really sank in. It hit me square between the eyes and knocked me over. I am happy. Happier, healthier, and more successful than I have ever been. At 28 to feel this way about my life, is pretty damn amazing considering where I started from. I mean, I hope it continues to get even better.

I eventually got up and went on a run. It was a good way to mull over things since my workout time is me time. No blackberry, no interruptions. Just me, my iPod, and the treadmill. I forget who is next to me, about work, and all things in life except me and that little timer that says 45 minutes. I sort of delighted in the fact that yes, indeed, at least for today, I am happy. My early 20s were a disaster. My mid 20s were a still a disaster but the clean up was coming soon. My late 20s have been clean up mode. Letting those gaping wounds heal. Forgetting the past and letting go of the things I really can't control. Pushing myself to be more than I know I can be instead of what everyone expects. What a freaking relief!

12 days until the last year of this crazy decade commences....

2 Comments:

Blogger Ram said...

I'm genuinely happy for you. I'm in my early twenties and things could definitely be a whole lot better for me. Your post gave me some hope that things actually do get better. Thanks for that.

9:33 AM  
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