Can I get a WTF?

As the close of yet another year draws near, I always find myself wondering about my past, present, and future. About a year and a half ago, I started seeing my then best friend of 8 years when he moved back to Texas from Chicago. I was apprehensive and as things got more serious I drew back. I was scared and did not want to get married or have kids. I knew he was a good man in a lot of ways but I just couldn't do it. We parted ways in a not so nice way and ever since I feel like I took a misstep. He was such a good friend to me. I missed his company and his laugh.

I took the plunge and decided to email him. He sent a reply tonight. He married another girl about 6 months ago. He said we don't have anything in common anymore and haven't since we split. He wished me well and I suppose that's all I could ask for after all the drama and nonsense we went thru in the end.

I just sat looking at the screen thinking to myself why couldn't I force myself to be that girl. Couldn't I have convinced myself somehow? I mean here I am single AGAIN and everyone (ok not everyone but this guy) is moving on.....WTF?