blah blah of a real day off

So today is the first day I have actually had a real day off in about a month. I dreamt of going to the mall to spend my small paycheck, or lounging by the lonely pool with a beer and cosmo. The reality--sitting in my apartment in my pjs eating delivery and cat napping. so much for hanging out and living by the edge. Afraid I have finally been reduced to what I had never hoped to be---the normal Jane. No flying by the seat of these jeans missy. No ma'am.

This is how my day began. I jumped in the shower and to much dismay decided to enjoy this holiday with alcohol. I had pitcher after pitcher and while i whistfully gulped beer after beer, a lot of things became clearer (ironically). I began to realize that putting things on the back burner is never a good thing, especially when it is emotional things. Seems like the past 6 months all i have spent any decent time on is putting my mind on issues that take my mind off my present disparities. The love life that is now non-existent, the diminishing friendships and family members i have discarded for far less important distractions like sleep or work. These days I have no true focus although those around me could swear otherwise.

When did i become an adult and stop all of the fun? I clearly remember the day when friends were abundant and my schedule was jammed packed with events and dates. what happened to all that? That fun, vivacious person has now been replaced by a grandma who no longer pushes the envelope. I am deeply saddened and thoroughly depressed with what I have become. AAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! til next time, I suppose.

MANDY