Depressed

I am depressed. The holidays start at the end of this week. I am alone and without prospects of anyone new and appetizing. I miss my ex and all the comforts of someone of the opposite sex who just knows you and wants to spend time with you. I just miss the familiarity. And dear God, all of my friends have SOMEONE! I spent a ridiculous amount of time listening to my friends in Texas ooh and ahh over boys and engagements, weddings, and finally babies. I had to sit at the bridal showers, bachlorette parties and clap and all the other things that go with being happy your friends have found someone. I got the pity looks forever. Your day will come. The right man is going to come any day now is what they said....5 years ago and counting.

I thought when I moved to California that I would not encounter that crap again. But last night, I found myself in that same position as we helped welcome my friend and her boyfriend into their new condo with painting and beer pong. I am inevitably alone again. Everyone was coupled up but me. I had the strangest 3rd wheel feeling the whole night and sank into deeper depression with each beer. I smiled big and laughed loud. All the while, my mind was thinking I hate this. I hate that I am here and alone. I never thought that being independent was a bad thing until I realized it makes most men not want to date you. Seems the only men I can attract are first class losers, married or unavailable men, and last but not least the most unintelligent lackluster excuse for a man in any given social setting.

I've lost all this weight. I look better than I have in YEARS. I have a great job I love, my own place and money to spend...most of the time. So why am I not happy? Why are men not flocking to me? Do I smell? Do I have hot man repellent on? WTF is going on??